Grudges. Yep, we've all had them, and I'm sure most of us have held on to plenty of them way longer than we should have, or maybe you're still holding on to them.
When you hold a grudge, you are holding that inside of you at the expense of your happiness, health, and success. As much as you stew about it, you aren't hurting them at all, you are only hurting yourself. You just need to let go of them.
Think about them differently... those things happened exactly the way they were supposed to, and they made you the person you are today. All you have to do is forgive the people involved, and move on. What a load off!!
Your happiness will rise to a new level when you can learn to let go of grudges, either old or new.
We were raised to think that failure is bad, but failure is the cornerstone of success. Winston Churchill said "The definition of success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."
If you're not failing, that means you aren't pushing yourself hard enough and you're not trying new things. Kids should be taught it is ok to fail. That means they are trying something new, and pushing outside of their comfort zone. They will have greater success in the future the sooner they understand that failure is a good thing, and a prerequisite for success.
When you can embrace failure and not look at it as a negative, you will no longer feel bad when things don't go as planned.
So many have not gone after their dreams because of one reason, fear of failure. I realize now, in looking back at my career path, I got comfortable in what I was doing, and I was afraid of trying new things for fear I would fail, and I would be let go from my job. But now, I'm concerned that I'll be let go because I'm earning too much for the level of work I'm doing... therefore I should have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone to succeed much earlier.
What if we could just rid of that fearful attitude? When we do that we can accept the changes in our life. Wayne Gretzkey said "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
I found this an interesting one that I'd never thought of before when it came up in our coaching modules regarding the Law of Attraction (more on that another time). This isn't an easy one, but man, it can really change things!
Too often we doing do things with expectations of what the results will be and we get hung up on those predictions/expectations. "I'm going to order steak tonight and it's going to be perfectly done and taste amazing." Then when it arrives it's overcooked and doesn't taste as perfect as I was expecting. I could be angry, thinking "this is not what I wanted! I can't believe they couldn't get a simple steak cooked right!" Instead, I have the choice to shrug it off, have another glass of wonderful red wine, and enjoy the time with who ever I'm dining with.
Tony Robbins said "What if life happens FOR us, not TO us?"
Dean Graziosi in the Millionaire Success Habits explained it this way:
Imagine you're paddling downstream in a canoe and all of a sudden the current takes you off course. You could resist it and say, "I have to paddle upstream against this strong current and get back on the track I expected." But wouldn't that take a tremendous amount of effort? What if when our course is altered, instead of being angry we said, "What if this little change in direction is a strategic part of my next level of life? Maybe this is happening for me and not to me. Maybe I should just ride the current out and see where it goes."
In my previous post I talked about being concerned about losing my job. After getting past that and making the choice to continue working there, and doing a good job, I also decided, if that happens, then maybe that is what is supposed to happen, so let's ride it out and see where it goes.
Many times an entrepreneur will start a business, and the original idea doesn't work out as expected, but out of that failure comes something even better that changes their course unexpectedly. In the Millionaire Success Habits Dean Graziosi shares the example of Twitter.
Twitter was originally started by its co-founders to be a podcast company whee you could call a number and create a podcast. It wasn't even called Twitter. Then, iTunes announced that it was going to make podcasting available on all major Apple devices and suddenly Odeo (the company now known as Twitter) was screwed! They had brainstorm meeting after brainstorm meeting to think of a new direction for the company and eventually came across the idea we all now know as Twitter! And that success would never have happened if the entrepreneurs had given up because their original concept didn't pan out.
When you are so fixated on one specific outcome, you become unhappy when things don't work out. When you do that you're unhappy and you're never going to be successful. Instead, you loose confidence and walk around depressed. Sometimes it's little things, and other times it's big things. How many times have you had situations happen and then sometime in the future you look back and say "wow, if that hadn't happened I'd never be where I am today, or doing what I'm doing now"?
When you can let go of a specific outcome, the heavy weight of expectation comes off your shoulders, you will become a different person immediately, and your happiness will skyrocket. Try it!
It sounds so simple, but a powerful way to bring happiness into your life is to focus on positive outcomes. Your energy is going to go in any direction you aim it; you get to choose if it is spent on the positive or negative. I'm an optimist, so I generally think positive about most things, but I also know how easy it is to start thinking the worst.
Recently, the company I work for let a number of people go, some of them had been there for quite a few years, and I considered them good employees, so I was completely shocked. I had never worried about my job before as I'd been with the company for almost 20 years, but all of a sudden my thinking changed. Should I be looking for a new job? What if that happens to me? How can we pay the bills without my salary? And on and on. This obviously impacted my happiness, plus it also changed how I was reacting to things at work. I'd over analyze things that were said, or why something was happening, wondering if that was an indication I would be next to go, did they know something I didn't, etc. :-(
I love this from Dean Graziosi' book the Millionaire Success Habits:
Consider the results of studies about driving on long roads with only one tree: Most, if not all, of the accidents on these roads involve someone running into that one tree. Because people may be rushing through traffic or lose control of the wheel and think to themselves "I don't want to hit that tree, I don't want to hit that tree, I don't wan to hit that tree." And what do they do? They hit the darn tree.
That was me, only focusing on "am I going to lose my job, am I going to lose my job, am I going to lose my job."
During this time I was reading a book by John C. Maxwell, Good Leaders Ask Great Questions, and there was a chapter that talked about how to work with an employee with a bad attitude and how to handle an angry employee. It made me realize that I was acting as an employee with a bad attitude and that it was ME that needed to change how I felt so that I could go back to being the good employee that I had been, and enjoy my job again. If I continued to be negative, and not do a good job, of course there would a bigger chance that I would be let go. I had to stop being negative, believe that I had positive attributes to benefit my company, and to start working like I really wanted to keep my job. I also have made sure that I make those benefits known to my employer, make them aware of my accomplishments.
William James said "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. The factor is attitude."
When it comes to our happiness we can't control what other's do, but we can control how we respond.
Be selective about what you read, who you hang out with, what you watch on TV. Stay away from people that bring drama to your life, protect your 'peace.' Put barricades up between you and negativity.
Protect your peace every day and watch your happiness and joy grow.
Have you ever heard the saying, "Paralysis by Analysis"? I am SOOOO guilty of that in so many ways!! I think we get so overwhelmed with all of the information thrown at us on a daily basis, and all of the places to get information, that we can easily spend so much time analyzing it, that we never get to the doing. I get an idea, but I want to be sure that I do it right, and the most effective way, and I don't want to put something out there that might be wrong, so I start researching. With the Internet researching can be one big rabbit hole and it never stops! Then all of a sudden time has passed, it doesn't seem as relevant any more, or there's somewhere else I should be focusing my time. And poof! I end up doing nothing.
Don't think it has to be perfect, you have to be the expert. If there is already a recipe for success out there in what you are trying to do, then just follow it! There is no need to make a dish from scratch when someone is willing to just hand you the recipe. Don't over-think things!
Don't get bogged down in the endless questions, second thoughts, and over analysis. If your heart is telling you to go for it, just DO IT!! You'll feel so much happier for having taken action, and you won't have those dreadful moments of "Wow, that could have been me if I'd only taken action on my idea in the first place!"